Another call tonight

Seems like the only time I've gotten calls from her in over a year is when she wants something and/or has a new guilt trip to dish out.

She called again tonight to tell me "come get me right now and let me come home!" Again, I can't do that. I'm willing to come get her and take her to a treatment center. But I can't move her "back home." It's bad enough that this decision hurts me so deeply. But it hurts even more to be cussed at, accused of never loving her, accused of somehow causing this mess she's in, and then being threatened because I'm not making the decision SHE wants ME to make.

I tried to explain all this to her. But she seriously is not listening. She states that she wouldn't cuss at me, accuse me of things or otherwise be antisocial if I go get her and "fix" things. She says her behavior is only because of my lack of care and love for her.

I could hear her arguing with someone in the background, being extremely ugly and mean. Then she would turn around and tell me "You know what my friends say about you?? Do you know how embarassing it is that they know you have money, a big house and 5 cars and won't even help your own daughter?"

I don't have 5 cars, a fancy house nor lots of money. But she's still "in it for the show" which again tells me that we can't let her come home. She fussed and fumed at me for calling me everyday for over a week and telling me she needed help and me just ignoring her. I still have no idea where she is at and can't even do a *69 to determine the number from which she is calling, and have only talked to her twice in the past week, when SHE called ME. But it's all my fault again. I know I shouldn't worry about it because I can't change it, but it concerns me what other lies she has told along the way.

After the phone call, I started doubting myself. And the pain was becoming so bad that I began to question whether or not I was making the right decision. When do you know that you won't do more damage than good in helping adult children? When do you know when they are seriously turning their lives around and can help them again? When do you know? How do you know?

I called a drug counselor friend of mine and talked through it. He and his wife both assured me to "stick to the tough love" and that I was doing all the things I needed to do.

But it still hurts. Even hearing her voice cuts like a knife because I know what is coming next...the accusations, the disrespect, the anger and the threats.

I'm growing so old and tired from all this. I'm still praying but often times just sit and pray, "Well, there's Nicole. Do something." I don't even know what or how to pray anymore.